The Phoenix Move

"You were an easy target. You were really insecure. I didn't understand why, but..."

That was not the answer I had come to hear when I decided to visit him in jail.

I wanted to know if any love had been present; if the moves and the health scares and the newly born baby had created any connection or if really was all a lie.

All I got was more babble and a smidgen of truth: two years of chaos had happened because I had lived in fear, and that made me the wrong kind of vulnerable to the wrong kind of man.

I left that day with a strong determination: a determination to be strong. I would face my fear of abandonment, of failure, of whatever anxieties had controlled my destiny to that point and do what needed to be done and do it without (too much!) bitterness.

I left the jail that day still crushed but confident in the knowledge that I had the courage to move forward into motherhood, into business, into LIFE with joy and creativity and power.